I’m Done

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What's This?

Have you ever spoken to your spouse when you KNEW it would be in your best interest to wait…and you did it anyway?

Yea.  Me too…just a couple of hours ago actually.

I'm DONE

 

Separated by 5 states and 6 more days on the road, I  K N E W better…yet plowed on to get that “to do” list item checked off MY list.

Here’s the deal.  I was running on empty and my brain was not optimally fueled for a technical discussion.  That’s never a good set-up for me.  The plane had been delayed, the taxi driver insisted on having the windows down and no air conditioning turned on as he drove from the airport to the hotel (in steamy Florida), I was HOT, HUNGRY, TIRED, GROUCHY and needed to get some things DONE. 

Been there? Sound like your two year old on a mid-afternoon shopping trip?  Yea, that’s how I felt…

Oh, by the day, do you see all the capitalization?  Let me ask you a question.  Do you ever feel yelled at when reading  ALL CAPITALS?  Uh huh, that’s probably how I was talking.  Can you simply see it coming?  Feel it?  Pretty, huh?  Or is that pretty messy???

I called home to ask my husband if he was finished a process I had asked for some technical help with.  He’s my Whiz Kid at the house.  He can figure anything out on the computer, if he doesn’t already know how to do it.  Now, that’s an ASSET, for sure.  To be married to your web master is GREAT!  Turn-around time is typically same day and cool stuff abounds…

Unless both of you haven’t eaten and one of you is pressing an issue…

Bet you are on the same page with me now.

So where did that conversation go?

Have you ever spoken to your spouse when you KNEW it would be in your best interest to wait…and you did it anyway? Me too. DONE is what I heard. I learned a valuable lesson.

“I’m done.”

And my mind went off on multiple tangents, making up all kinds of stories.  

Done.  Done with what?  Done with who? Done with ME?

I’ve heard someone say, ” The devil is in the details.”  Know what?  I think I opened the door WIDE for that old devil to come in, as I was making up ALL KINDS of details…

35+ years into this marriage, I KNOW better than to travel that path.  Yet I did it…again.

Truthfully, I had to stop long enough to eat something healthy, or I would have simply dug a deeper ditch.  And I did not want to do that.  I love Holt and treasure him, yet I was treating him rather trashy, truth be told. 

I had to decide to make sure we were in a healthy place.  I owe it to him, to our marriage and to myself to do that.

So I simply asked him a question versus building my own story in my own head without any input from him…

And I learned a lesson, a valuable lesson.

That lesson was this – stop long enough to hear his side of the story.  He never meant he was done with me.  He was done with that conversation, my frustration (oh, yea, it comes out when I do not know something that I think I should) and the project.

Simple. Yet my mind made it an issue…when it wasn’t. I had to resist the temptation to make it one.

Forgive me, Holt.  I love you.  I need you.  And I need to know you love me and our commitment (covenant?!) is secure.

Lesson. 

Stop. Decide. Ask. Listen.

Listen. (yep, said that twice)

Learn.

Love.

Let go of the drama.

Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord. ~ Jeremiah 23:24 NIV

And then today’s Bible versus reminded me that God saw my mess too.  Oh!

I think there’s another verse that would apply here too…

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.James 4:7

From my heart to yours…learn the lessons God teaches us.  Resist the temptation (we know where THAT comes from!) to “make up a story in your own mind” like I did and believe it.  Go straight to the source, your spouse, friend, coworker, child, parents, whomever!

Sure makes things “prettier” when we choose to resist temptation, clear up confusion, remove the ridiculous and remember to ratify our commitment to each other versus clouding issues with insanity.

And knowing Holt is good helps this girl of his settle into an amazing trip versus being unsettled far from home and far from him (and HIM).  Praise God!

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Bible verses are NIV and found at BibleGateway

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34 thoughts on “I’m Done

  1. Susan, I loved this! I could just imagine your scenario and the words that were on the INSIDE of your mind! Praise God you stopped in order for God to put a filter on those words so they didn’t come on outside! lol! We all have to wrestle with where our mind wants to go, but like you wrote, it
    SURE MAKES THINGS “PRETTIER” WHEN WE CHOOSE TO RESIST TEMPTATION, CLEAR UP CONFUSION, REMOVE THE RIDICULOUS AND REMEMBER TO RATIFY OUR COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER VERSUS CLOUDING ISSUES WITH INSANITY.

    Thank you so much for this wonderful post and for hosting your link-up each week! I love being a tiny little part of your world each week 🙂
    Lori

  2. So true, I need to stop, listen, and learn too. Sometimes, we as wives fail to give our husbands the benefit of doubt. I know in my heart that my husband loves me and wants what is best for me. He is so good that way. Thanks for sharing so honestly.

  3. Oh, how I have often added my own details, and assume intent that was never there – in much the same way that you describe. The evil one is out to steal, kill and destroy. Sounds like you have a beautiful and strong marriage – which makes it a target of attack. I’m so proud to hear that you took the time to really listen to what your husband meant.
    Many blessings to you and your family Susan,
    Kamea
    (Praying for your son often, as I pray for Jeffrey)

  4. Oh, how I’ve lived this. It’s quite humbling when you realize you need to return and ask for forgiveness. I love your tips and making sure you aren’t grumpy because your tired and hungry. (Just found your link up!) Thanks for this encouragement!

  5. Been there and done that one too many times myself, Susan. But each “opportunity” helps me practice my apologizing. I pray God take control of my tongue and put a hand over my mouth so I may use my words to build up and approach my husband with grace. Thank you, Susan, for sharing your honest struggles and reminding me to pause before I speak so I can hear God speak. : )

  6. Oh man….this is SO me too. I need to learn to initiate those conversations when the timing is good and to be more intentional to listen to my husband’s heart. Thanks for this reminder and thanks for hosting!

  7. Thanks for sharing this scene from your marriage, Susan. So important to make sure we’re in a good place BEFORE we talk about tricky stuff. And when it gets tought, it’s good just to STOP a minute and regroup. Go back to the basics. 🙂

  8. Isn’t it amazing what we learn through years of marriage – and how often we can still feel ourselves being drawn to ‘unlearn’? I’ve learned that my husband has a really good handle on his temper. It’s not that he never gets angry, it’s that he knows when to step away from a situation so that he doesn’t say something he will later regret. I, on the other hand, can’t seem to let things go when we’re in the middle of one of those ‘heated’ discussions. My head knows to stop, but my tongue! Eeek! Thank goodness I have a loving and forgiving husband who KNOWS me! Thank you for showing me how the drama in my head sometimes takes over the true meaning in the conversation. With God’s help….

    1. Drama. There’s that word…

      Wonder if it’s in the Bible???

      Isn’t it amazing how we create scenarios that are no where near truth?!

      Thank you! I don’t feel so lonely out here!

  9. It is so easy to have a conversation derail all in the name of hunger or exhaustion. I am sure we all have experienced that at some point in our relationships with others. I love that you chose James 4:7 as a reminder to all that God is first and definitely should be when beginning one of those conversations. Blessings for a beautiful weekend!

  10. Wow, you’re meddlin’ this mornin’, girl.
    I have tried, in the past few years, when I KNOW that I’m over-tired and dangerous to run the message through my brain: “Don’t say anything … Don’t decide anything … Just be quiet until tomorrow.”
    Most of the time this is an effective strategy, and God uses it to keep peace, but when I don’t listen to my own good advice, sparks fly and everything is an emergency.
    When will we learn?
    I always enjoy reading your words! Happy Friday!

    1. Meddling! Ha. That would be God kinda making me open up the ugly and dump it out…

      Thank you for letting me know you love reading my words. Oh that’s s sweet thing to see and read! Hugs. Susan

  11. Healthy Advice today, Susan. Choosing to listen and letting go of the drama.
    Thank you for sharing your experience and lesson sincerely.
    God Bless

  12. Susan, I hear you on this one. I know I can so often hear a different message than what is being said, it’s like I speak Kellyese and here what I am most afraid to hear. Your writing is even more blossoming. I see it taking off. Love that! Go Susan Go!

  13. Susan,
    I feel like this post was made just for me. I can be the queen of making mountains out of molehills sometimes. I think I will hold onto the phrase, “Remove the Ridiculous”. Oh how the enemy likes to fill my head with ridiculous, concocted details. I realize when I find my mind is spinning on “what if’s” that that is my red flag to flee. Glad to know I’m not alone in doing this…thanks for the encouragement to, in God’s strength, take action before I go even further down a slippery slope!
    Blessings,
    Bev

    1. Oh Bev, I so didn’t wanna bare all, yet felt so compelled to do so. I’m honored to hear it blessed you. Praise God! And let us both remember to “remove the ridiculous” in the future…

  14. LOVED this! It’s so helpful to hear someone further along in marriage share that these moments still happen at times and model how to handle it! Well done! Thank you! Tweeting! Blessings from Espressos of Faith! Looking forward to linking up in the AM.

    1. Bonnie Lyn, I’m so thrilled it helps. Love that God can take a broken moment and redeem it for one family, then multiply the blessing for others…! Hugs, Susan

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