It is there in the waiting that I met Jesus…
There I sat in the tiny room waiting for the ultrasound tech to enter. Huddled in the corner I had brought an audience. Included was my dad who had never been to an ultrasound appointment before.
I couldn’t believe my eyes as she scanned my slightly engorged belly. Twins. Could it be? Two precious bundles of joy lay feet to feet. “Two!” I exclaimed. As I stared at the screen trying to figure out if it was real, the tech sat in silence.
I looked over to confirm what I saw to be true but instead, I saw was a tear stream from her face. The next words didn’t feel possible. “I can’t find heartbeats.”
WHY WHY WHY. It was all I could ask. With all of the modern technology, why couldn’t anything be detected before now? The realization is the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. He is the ruler over life and death. Not a test.
There was nothing anyone could do. I had to wait one week to deliver them. With previous pregnancy complications, being this far along in my pregnancy with twins, delivering immediately was not an option as that meant risking my life as well.
So I waited. In that week of waiting, I met Jesus. I was saved when I was young and believing in Jesus was all I ever knew. Yet I had never met Him. I had never really known Him and I certainly had never made myself known to Him.
Peace Beyond My Understanding
Down on my knees, I cried out. Lord, I know you can change this. I know you can make the results inaccurate. I know you can make their tiny hearts beat once again. Lord, I believe that my tiny bit of faith I am bringing you can move mountains.
But, Lord, thy will be done.
For the first time in my life, I had truly surrendered. Surrendered my will and my control. Surrendered my babies and the part-time god I had created.
[Tweet “At that moment, I really became His. @jaimeweibel”]Lord, there is one thing I ask of you, please give me peace. Overwhelming, undeniable peace. He whispered in my soul.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
The Lord lifted me up off of my knees and washed me with the one thing I needed in my life. Peace.
Every time I began to cry, I was washed in this peace I couldn’t understand. The tears would come and peace like a river washed them away.
In my human flesh, I would have been a wreck but my soul was guarded. I certainly grieved and the Lord allowed that time. But in His time, in the moments where He wanted me to see Him, my one request was granted.
This more than anything was the one the Lord knew I needed. The peace that transcends all understanding and knowing it was only from Him.
Confident Hope
Days of heartbreak turned into moments of joy. Because instead of asking that question of why, which often times goes unanswered, I began to ask for what purpose. What would the Lord have for me in this?
It has been nine years. Just this week I shared my story of God’s overwhelming peace in the midst of utter heartbreak. And it allowed a friend to open up about her hurt and the opportunity to pray for her.
[Tweet “God is good. Our circumstance may not look, feel or seem good but that doesn’t change who He is.”]In His goodness, He wants the best for His children more than we want the best for our children.
So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. Matthew 7:11 (NLT)
I asked for peace. He gave me an abundant amount. I couldn’t have asked for a better Father to love and hold my children when we could not. He knew them by name. He knew before the foundations of the earth what He had planned for me and for them. In His goodness, He knew in His arms is where they belonged.
I know in my heart His plans for me are for my good and for His glory. I have a confident hope and I share this story today all glory to God for what He has done in me and through me because of these moments. All Glory to God who loves me with an everlasting and unfailing love.
A little about Jaime Weibel:
Jaime is the blogger and author at Seeking God with Jaime Wiebel. She has had many journeys with Jesus. Time and time again He has proved His faithfulness. Because of Him, she can proudly call herself His child. Because of His great love, she spends her time teaching others about Him. You can also join Jaime weekly as she and the team will encourage you through the Bible at Seeking God Daily.
You can also connect with Jaime on Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Instagram
May I share how powerful it is for me to read Jaime’s story? Ten years ago March 29th, I too lost a child. Not twins, yet I lost my 20 year old college age son Kyle, my youngest, my baby. The one who still snuggled into my neck when he hugged me. Thank you Jaime for sharing your story of God’s glorious grace and His peace you experienced.
Thank you especially for sharing this story with me and this community of readers in the month of March, 10 years after losing Kyle – even through I really know where he is, I just don’t know his zip code… And God’s peace prevails.
And I thank God, Jaime, you found Jesus in the waiting…
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What a beautiful part of your story you have shared. I could feel your heart in that moment you felt His peace. I think it’s because I remember a moment similar to that with Jesus. Since then, I’ve always known that without the pain, we can never feel the extent of His love and power. Thank you so much, Susan, for sharing Jaime with us at #MomentsofHope! You are both enormous blessings!
Lori
What a powerful, moving post. Thanks for sharing so deeply at Booknificent Thursday on Mommynificent.com!
Tina
I am so thankful that there is beauty in the suffering. My heart stopped a moment when you shared that God knows your babies names. Won’t it be a glorious day when Jesus introduces them to you and you hear their names for the first time? Thank you so, so, so much for sharing. Blessings.
a beautiful post of how God meets us and changes us in the ashes of brokenness… and in the process resurrect us to Him. thanks for sharing
Such a beautiful testimony of God’s peace in one of the most difficult and painful experiences most of us can imagine. Thank you for sharing your story of hope.
What a testimony! So thankful He is with us!
A testimony to God and His faithfulness. This verse came to me this morning from Psalm 62:5, “Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.”
As we wait quietly before the Lord, we can rest our hope in HIm. What a blessing! Thanks for joining us, Bethany.
Thank you Jaime for sharing your story of God’s peace in the midst of mourning and sorrow. This is one of the inexplicable things God does in the lives of His children, isn’t it?
Inexplicable. Something I knew only came from God. Something that made me realize how real He was to me and how much I must have meant to Him for Him to pour it out on me. I am reminded of the verse,”Every good and perfect gift of from above.” The gift of peace is a perfect gift to those in mourning and it can only come from our loving Father. Thanks so much for your kind words today, Elizabeth.
Oh Jaime,
God bless you for sharing your heartache. Tears well up as I think about the pain you and Susan have endured. God is so faithful throughout it all and it’s so lovely to read about how He has strengthened you during such a devestating loss. He most definitely carries us and for that I’m so grateful.
Sweet Natalie, I am confident that healing comes only from God. I don’t know how it can come from anywhere else. We have seen the devastation of people after a loss that have no hope. If we have our hope in things of this world and not on anything eternal, I don’t know where that hope could possibly come from. I am so grateful for the peace that only He can give. Blessings to you dear friend!
Jaime, thank you for this encouragement and truth. God’s peace transcends all understanding. And the strength that He gave you to tell your story so beautifully is a true testament to the power of that peace. May He continue to use you for His glory.
Thank you so much, Maria. It is for His glory. I know the struggle from losing babies is real no matter the stage. Bless God for giving mommies the ability to love them before we know them. What I learned was God’s peace is also real and available for the asking. The testament to His faithfulness is something we are all blessed from. Blessings to you, friend!
Jaime bless your heart. What a beautiful testimony to impact others!
I’ve been in one of those rooms with my daughter with twins and they could not find one heartbeat so share in your hurt, and not with my DIL when she lost the first twin and a month later the second.
I love how you shared a Father who can hold and love your children when you cannot. I have five children of my own I never got to see, and seven grandchildren.
Debbie, I am so sorry for that hurt in your life. Losing children is something I never thought would happen to me. I know that sounds silly but I thought motherhood was something that would come so easily for me. Including birth (I had three C-sections and miscarried after these two), delivery and raising them. Oh, God has taught me so much through all of them and nothing more important than He is control over life, death, and the love and care of each and every one of them. No matter the situation, He is good. That is a truth we can hold so close to our hurting hearts. Bless you, dear friend!
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my story here today. I do hope that it allows friends to see that God’s peace is available to us. We don’t only receive peace with God as believers we can also have the Peace of God in our struggles and in our day-to-day. He is there for us and when we call on Him and He loves to pour out Himself upon us. Blessings to you, Susan. I have read your story before and I just love to see how God was with you through it. May His peace continue to fall on your heart.
Oh, Jaime. My heart breaks for your loss of the twins. Time is irrelevant when it comes to our babies; we always miss those that aren’t here with us. But what a joy that you know the Lord and walk with him. We will one day be reunited with those we didn’t get to raise!
Lisa, your words are sweet encouragement! The day we get to rejoin those we have lost will be a glorious day. Meeting in the sky to be with our Jesus together. What a reunion! One I truly look forward to.
I hope your March has started out super! Thanks for hosting!
Thank you for being so brave and vulnerable to share your story, Jaime! I know it will help so many! And thank you, Susan, for shining a light on Jaime’s story. You both have been through so much and we thank you for all that you do to encourage and inspire!
You know when something happens, you think everyone has heard your story and sometimes after a while you keep it inside of yourself for fear that people don’t want to hear it. The truth is God allows those moments so that we can be of comfort to others. If I can encourage someone to turn to Jesus because I know He is there for us, it is my honor. Thanks so much for your sweet words this morning, friend!
Jaime, thank you for allowing this heartbreak to work in you to bring you closer to God. I honestly can’t imagine how hard that waiting must have been, and the emptiness that followed. Thank you for bringing glory to God in your pain.
Honestly, Michele. It began with submission. Submitting to a God that holds it all in His hands. I knew He could change it all, but I also found out He could hold me through it all. He continues to bring me peace all the time. Blessings to you, friend!
Jaime, Thank you so much for sharing your story. As soon as I read this title the song He’s in the Waiting started playing in my head. I hope it lasts all day. He is in the waiting!
Susan,Praying God uses your words and those you’ve shared of other in powerful ways!
~Sherry Stahl
xoxo
He certainly is in the waiting. Those times we want what we want don’t always go with His plans. I thank God that He knows it all and could see the outcome for me. To see what He could bring out of this, even though at the time I could not. I find that to be so amazing. It helps me to release the fears that I have into His knowing and willing hands. Thank you for sharing that song with is. I am going to go find that and put it in my head for the day!
Thank you for sharing your story, Jaime. Your testimony touches my heart. I’m always amazed how God’s peace can guard us in moments we think will ruin us. May God’s peace continue to comfort you and Susan in your moments of grief. Thanks for hosting, Susan.
Valerie, I am happy to share my story because it is a victory of Jesus gathering His children. I was going on my own path. Trying to control my life in every way. Control freak is being polite. I thought I could do it all even control how soon I would have children. Submission of my will and following His was critical to get me where I am today, sharing this story and others. To God be the Glory! Thanks for your encouragement!
Jaime , my sweet friend you had shared this piece of your heart with me and I wept then and I weep again. Susan, I cannot even begin to imagine the loss of your 20 year old baby:(
Jesus wept is the verse that comes to my mind when we groan and weep at our losses. A Lord who weeps with us.
Lots of hugs
The other day, I was talking to my grandma about sharing this story. She was such a rock for me during this time. She had lost 3 babies full term and one was a twin. She was able to share how God delivered her through it at the time. God placed her in my life for a reason and that was just one of them. As I was talking to my grandma, I was beginning to weep as well but not just because of the loss, but because of His goodness. His unexplainable goodness to me. Something I don’t ever deserve but He graciously pours out on us. Always brings me to tears. Blessings to you, Diana.
Jaime, I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, but I didn’t know this part of your story. Thank you for sharing it here at Susan’s place. May God’s peace be yours, even as the bittersweet memories come back to you.
So glad we could connect here as well. I am glad to be able to share it with new and sweet friends and reach people in a new space. I am happy to share this part of my story and point back to Jesus, hopefully in all I write. Thank you for your kind words today. Blessing to you, Sarah!
What a beautiful reminder, Jaime. I know how hard it to go through this and I’ve seen God prove His faithfulness over and over, too! Thanks for sharing your story here for His glory! Blessings to you both!
Liz, the tragedy of a broken world is certainly loss. And I have to be honest, I am not sure any of it hurts like losing a child, which you clearly know. But I am not sure how people do it without God. Without Him, I would have been broken into so many pieces, I am not sure they would have been put back together. I am so glad to hear that you, too, in your heartbreak have experienced His faithfulness. He is so good! Blessings to you and continued peace as you see His faithfulness in your life.