Letting Go of What Was Mine

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We are honored to have Kelly Balarie, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, who spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart share with us on the Dance With Jesus Birthday Beach Bash today. Called a “Cheerleader of Faith”, Kelly’s greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

Kelly Balarie

She loves to speak, write and cheer others on as they go on this adventurous, exciting and life-changing journey.

You find Kelly blogging at Purposeful Faith and tweeting at @KellyBalarie.

Letting Go of What Was Mine

I just read a book. It’s not even on a topic I thought I was struggling with, but good words always tend to find a good home in one ready to receive them.

These words did more than just that; they took my heavy baggage, bent them up and dropped them at my feet in a time-to-let go kind of way (dang, Lord, I wasn’t intending this!).

You see, when baggage breaks, it’s time to dump ’em, toss ’em and be done with ’em. And, now, I can see how messed up my baggage really is; it’s just filled with stolen items, things I only pretend to fully own. Things I tried to make myself believe would always be mine – and that would always fill my needs.

But, I never owned them to begin with.

He lends us what we love, so we can see his love – for us.

But, what is lent is always called back home sometime, in God’s time.

In my heart, God is calling back the idea that I own my kids, my husband and my dreams – because I don’t. They always have and always will belong to him.

But letting go, feels like letting a dog run without a leash. It’s scary. Risky. Uncertain.

Gods wonder

To let go of what I clench, to release my imprints and to undo my harness – it’s not work for the faint of heart. For so long, I have relied on these crutches as my own personal hopes of glory, hidden, but golden tickets to personal satisfaction and fulfillment.

But, what happens, one day, when God decides, that I can no longer clutch and crutch – right around his great promises? What happens then?

Because, you see, something like this could happen: “my son purchased drugs which, combined with a beer later that evening, caused respiratory distress, resulting in death.” (Dance With Jesus, by Susan B. Mead)

What would I do then? When the kid that I supposedly owned, ruled and managed ended up – gone? Would I go down with him? Would my crutches be so swiped out from under me that my face would break in a million little pieces?

I think it might. I don’t know what I would do.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” Job 1:21

I suppose I am learning, it is in the taking away, that we find the praise. At least that’s what happened with Susan, when she lost her son.




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25 thoughts on “Letting Go of What Was Mine

  1. Our pastor/grandfather used the Job verse at our daughter’s funeral. It took me a while to get to the “Blessed be the name of the Lord.” We grasp so tightly to what isn’t ours to begin with. In releasing, I found a deeper love for God and His will.

  2. I’m just thankful to let soothing words and scriptures rush over me today. It’s Friday…I’m overwhelmed and doggone tired. Thanks for all you do Susan and Kelly. Without a network of other Christian bloggers reminding me to persevere and constantly pointing me back to Christ, I’m not sure my stamina would remain!! Have a wonderful weekend:)

    1. Honored Meg. I hear you and can wrap my head around your feelings. Thank God He has a “gathering” of His girls out here in cyberspace so we can soothe each other’s weary souls and help remind each other to release our burdens to Him.

  3. What a good post! Thank you, Susan, for opening your page to Kelly’s words. They hit home today. Loved your book, too, my friend. I read it while Dad was sick in the hospital. It hit home because we weren’t certain what his condition would offer. Cried A LOT! But garnered from it, gathered much in my heart, and now hope to pass it along to a friend whose baby is dancing with Jesus in Heaven. xo

    1. Kristi, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend and her loss. Would you wrap her in your arms and let her know that one is from me-a mom who understands her loss-next time you see her please?

      Kelly has a gift of words and I’m so blessed to have her share here. Hugs.

  4. Beautiful words! Grief is real even when it means that we are letting go of something as you describe above. I realize that with both of my sons engaged, I will need to let go of the grasp of a momma who loves her sons so much but at the same time needs to let them be free to love their future wives even more. Thank you for these words!!

    1. Mary, indeed. My mom taught me to hold that which I treasure with a loose cup of the hand so it cuddles in the crevices for comfort versus a tight squeeze where it seeks release.

      Kelly’s words are beautiful. And they get better and better and better with each of her writings…

  5. Yes, Kelly! It does feel like letting a dog run without a leash! Mine are still little but every step, every milestone feels like the leash is fraying! Thank you for your words and insight into Susan’s book! I’ve been thinking perhaps it wasn’t for me, but maybe you have changed my mind!

    1. Love that-feels like the leash is fraying. Most mommas can relate to that statement!

      Kelly’s writing is a treasure as she honors God with each word on the page. Hugs!

  6. Kelly/Susan,
    The phrase “rescue mom” hit me. I was always my son’s rescuer…bringing homework that was forgotten…retrieving him when he missed the bus…lugging cymbals he forgot for worship band. Seems harmless enough until you find that you are picking him up from jail. I deeply lament being the “fixer” for my son’s predicaments. Learning to let go is not a nice idea…it is a necessity. Letting your children fail will eventually help them learn to fly. Releasing our children to their ultimate Father is only way to find true peace in our soul. Very thought provoking post…so touching.
    Blessings and ((hugs)) to you both,

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